I've been a parent for almost 6 years. How I would self-describe myself as a parent has definitely changed a lot over the half decade (hellllooooo, minivan!). There are so many things I think about now that I never contemplated before having kids. And there are an equal number of things I used to worry about that no longer matter much to me. A lot of this is just life, I think. As we grow and evolve, we learn what is most important to us and what is not as important. Those priorities are always a moving target. No two days are ever exactly the same.
Since Zoë was born, I've become a lot more anxious as a parent. It might be that I have three little people to worry about and that's 33.3% harder than it was when I had just two little people. But, if I'm honest, I think it's more than that. I'm worrying about things with Zoë that I never worried about with Willa, and I only worried about a little with Cameron.
I'm constantly worried about whether or not my phone is harming her growing brain and body. Six years ago, when Willa was born, we were all a bit less tied to or phones.
But then again, there have to be things I'm not worrying about, too. I am much less stressed about nap schedules. I breastfeed whenever and don't keep track of anything on an app. I know that everything is a phase and change is the only constant.
I remember feeling panicked when Willa cried in the car. But if Zoë cries when we're driving, I don't worry too much. I just remind myself that this is life and her needs will be met when we get to where we are going.
There are a lot choking hazard toys in our house. I can already feel myself worrying about those a lot.
I don't feel anxious to put Zoë down all the time. I know the time she wants to be held is finite, and it'll end sooner than I want it to. I also am trying not to mind when almost 30 pound Cameron wants to be carried all the time. His time, too, is finite. In the meantime, I'm building arm strength?
I'm not sure what my point is here. I'm so sleep deprived that I'm not exactly in a place for quality essay writing. But I am grateful for all the exhausting chaos in our life right now and I remind myself of that whenever the worries start to become overwhelming.